Is Your Husband Addicted to Porn?

One of the dilemmas of many married women is dealing with a husband that is addicted to porn. It is, beyond doubts, devastating to discover that your husband is addicted to porn. Many women struggle to work through the insecurity and loss of self-worth that comes with this discovery. Naturally, they will ask themselves questions like “am I not good enough?” “Is there something he needs that I’ve been missing?” Along with these feelings of insecurity, they also feel anger, shame, betrayal, and pain from discovering their husbands have not been the paragon of virtue they thought. 

As there is no clear rule to follow, many women vacillate between pretending the vice does not exist and getting help for their spouses. Either way, it is clear that pornography is a big problem in marriages, as research shows that it sets a strong precedence for poor marriage quality and stability. Statistics show that married people who watch porn are twice more likely to divorce than couples who do not. 

It is hard for wives of porn addicts to tell that their partner has a problem. They are most times ignorant of any underlying issue because they trust their partner unconditionally. They already assume that their partner is aware that active engagement with pornography, especially without their awareness, is the equivalent of having an affair. This ignorance and trust, combined with the great lengths that a porn addict will go to hide his stash, can keep these wives in the dark for a long time. They won’t know what’s happening until the truth blindsides them one day.

It’s not hard to find wives of porn addicts vilifying themselves for not noticing the signs quicker. They feel that if they had noticed their partner had a pornography problem, they would have had a chance to save their marriage before it fell apart. And they are probably not wrong about that. Early detection can go a long way in ensuring that both partners make it out of the mess relatively unscathed. 

Signs That Your Husband Is Addicted to Porn

1. Your husband becomes sexually unresponsive or unmotivated.

Your husband does not display as much non-sexual touch or physical affection as he used to. The only time you have sex is when you initiate it. Even when you do, it is hard for your husband to become sexually responsive. It is either he has a had time achieving an erection or maintaining one. He requires more stimulation than usual to achieve an orgasm. He suddenly develops an interest in unusual sexual practices. The bottom line, both of you end up feeling dissatisfied and unhappy with your sex life.

2. Your husband is no longer as social as he used to be.

You find your husband excusing himself from activities that you would usually do together. He cannot account for most of his time and cannot explain his long period of absence. You can feel him pulling away from you, and he has no interest in socializing with you or the rest of the family.

3. Even when present, he seems absent.

You no longer share the intimacy you used to have. Even when your husband with you, it feels like he’s a thousand miles away. He’s emotionally distant, even when you have sex.

4. It’s hard to get him away from the internet.

He spends an insane amount of time on the computer with nothing productive to show for it. He often demands privacy or changes the screen when you walk into the room.

5. Your husband becomes uncharacteristically demanding or rough during sex.

Your husband begins to suggest atypical sexual activities. He has become more aggressive and rough during sex. You feel pressured to do things that make you uncomfortable. His sexual language has become more violent, and he has no problems with objectifying you.

6. Your husband begins to complain more about your appearance.

The way you look no longer satisfies your husband. He nitpicks every aspect of your appearance and tries to make you appear more sexually attractive to him. He is more likely to make unkind remarks about your body type, shape, and weight.

7. You begin to notice signs of sneakiness and dishonesty.Your husband never has straight answers to your questions, even the harmless ones. He’s defensive about everything. Yet, you keep finding evidence to show that he’s lying and being secretive. Maybe you found a burner phone, a different credit card, private email address, or even porn materials.

How to Handle Your Husband’s Porn Addiction

Living with a husband who struggles with porn addiction takes a toll mentally, physically, and emotionally. As a wife, it is important to know that you are not responsible for your husband’s porn addiction. So there’s no need to beat yourself up with guilt. 

There may be leftover betrayal and PTSD from discovering that your husband has a pornography addiction. However, instead of feeling lost and hopeless, here are some things to help you cope with your situation.

1. Understand that you cannot cure his addiction.

As much as you may want to shoulder the responsibility for your husband’s addiction, understand that you cannot do anything to fix it. It’s not about you. You can only drag a horse to the trough; whether it drinks or not is entirely up to it. There’s nothing you can do to help him cure his addiction. You cannot compete with the cam girls – it isn’t even wise to try. You cannot bully, threaten, compel, or condemn him to change. That’s something he needs to work out on his own.

2. Join a support group.

You are not the only woman with an addicted husband. Countless others have been in your shoes and know how you feel. Reach out to a support group to share your experience and have people who understand be in your corner. It helps.

3. Talk to your husband and develop boundaries.

Speak to your partner about how their behavior affects not only them but you as well. Do not accept anything less than complete sobriety from him. No excuses for his behavior. No promises to change. Nothing less than sobriety. However, do not argue with him about it as he is not in a reasonable state.  Instead, encourage him to seek help from certified therapists. 

4. Get as much knowledge about his condition as you can.

Read as many resources as you can find from verified sources on pornography addiction. Also, read up on codependency and PTSD. If your situation does not have the classic signs of codependency, don’t let anyone label you that way. 

5. Don’t forget to take care of yourself.You owe it to yourself, your husband, and your family to take good care of your mental, physical, and emotional health. Remember that you are not his therapist or counselor. If it gets too much for you, outsource it to professionals. Eat well, sleep, and try to engage in activities that make you feel more like yourself.